Adrift Read online

  A week. I remember my state of mind at a week.

  I clear my throat, startling when I feel a hand rub my shoulder soothingly only to turn to find East has come up behind me with a plate of food. I stare at the plate filled with beautiful hors d’oeurves, I push it away, unable to stomach the idea of food.

  I had imagined them all safe the night we disappeared. I certainly didn’t imagine anyone was hurt.

  “I’m sorry,” I confess to Anne.

  She looks at me, confused. “For what?”

  I hang my head, more than slightly ashamed. “I felt so abandoned by you all.” I sweep my gaze over the crowd. “I didn’t realize you may have suffered or felt as terrified as we did.”

  “Taylor, don’t beat yourself up for being human. Especially when you spent almost two months lost at sea. There’s no one who can understand your experience, except maybe the person you were marooned with.” She says this last part with an eyebrow wiggle.

  I bite my lip to prevent the smile that wants to take over my face. East rubs my back and I find myself instinctually leaning into his touch. I don’t know what to say and I don’t feel the need to tell them my story. Especially when East has already gone on record. That was his decision, but for me it’s private.

  Henry comes over and steals the seat next to me when my neighbor gets up for more food. I introduce him to Anne, who instantly falls in love with the little man.

  “You know, Taylor here didn’t have such a great opinion of you before she met you,” Anne confesses sassily to East, who’s pulled up a chair to our table.

  East’s eyebrows shoot up. “Somehow I’m not surprised.”

  “I was young and dumb,” I tell East, and he kisses my nose in response.

  “I see she’s gotten over that thought.” Anne’s smile nearly takes up her entire face.

  I nod shyly, leaning into East, who snuggles me into his side.

  “You’re together, then? There have been a lot of rumors about that.” Anne sighs happily.

  “She’s the love of my life,” East says so offhandedly before taking a bite of food that it takes everyone a moment for the words to sink in, and then everyone’s “awing” and asking when they can expect a wedding.

  So strange that these people were such strangers, acquaintances at best, but our shared experience has bonded us.

  “Not for a while,” I answer, ignoring East as he studies me.

  Before anyone else can ask about us, I perk up at the sound of music playing and search out Carter, who’s flirting with a couple of the stewards, for escape. I excuse myself and grab Carter, yanking him up. “Dance with me.”

  Carter looks over to his brother, glaring from across the room. “Ah. Running away again?”

  I step purposefully on his shoe. “Oops. And no, I just needed a minute. They were asking about a wedding, for God’s sake.”

  “As long as it’s a minute and not three months, I think East will get over it.”

  I mumble noncommittally under my breath and try my best to clear my head. All this talk about weddings is so goddamn premature. Maybe I don’t even want to get married. What a jump!

  “You’re squeezing my hand pretty hard there, Hulk,” Carter whispers, and I loosen my grip, apologizing.

  “Sorry Carter, I’m just—” I trail off, struggling to find the word.

  “Over whelmed?” he guesses.

  “Yeah.” I sigh, watching East make Anne laugh with Henry on his lap.

  “Would you like some advice?”

  “No, but I have a feeling that’s not going to stop you from giving me some.” I lean back to smile at him.

  Carter grins unrepentantly. “You’re right, but here’s my advice. Pretend like you aren’t going back to Washington. Pretend that this is your life. Imagine yourself living like this. Give it a chance, even if it’s only for a week.”

  I nod and give Carter a quick hug. “I can do that.”

  It took no effort at all to assimilate here once I let go of all my preconceived notions. The week flew by, and the closer it got to Friday, the day I had East book my flight home, the more I wanted to cancel. But I had work waiting for me, and that alone raised another question.

  How could this actually work?

  Everything I have is back in Washington. Everything I have of my father is there. I felt closest to him in the woods he explored nearly every day of his life; I felt closer to myself, as well.

  Having lost nearly everything, the idea of uprooting scared me. Added to that, what would I do?

  I lay awake all night; these thoughts had me tossing and turning at the attempt of figuring this all out. It nearly cripples me as the sun began to filter into the room, and Friday morning arrives. Turning on my side, I study East’s face.

  He’s on his stomach, arms tucked under his pillow, curls falling into his eyes. He looks so young like this. All the worry that lines his face during the day is smoothed out like this.

  I roll on my back and think of Henry’s reaction last night. The closer we got to today, the more he started acting out. He refused to go to his tutor sessions. He cancelled his play date at the park with his friend next door. It didn’t take a genius to realize his moodiness correlated with my departure.

  As if he can hear my thoughts, Henry cracks the door open and peeks inside. I crawl out of bed, careful not to wake East up, and scoop Henry up, closing the door behind me once we’re in the hall.

  We go downstairs and I settle him at the kitchen island, per our morning ritual. The two of us were nearly always the first ones up and we’ve gotten in the habit of going downstairs and making breakfast.

  Grabbing the pancake mix, I pour everything into the bowl and hand Henry the whisk to combine it all.

  Leaning on my elbows, I watch him for a minute. He’s all sleep ruffled, his hair in cowlicks all over his head and so adorable my heart physically hurts.

  “Wan to tell me why you’ve been acting up lately?”

  Henry keeps stirring, ignoring my question.

  Once the batter is done, I take the bowl and set it aside. “Hen.”

  “What?” he asks in a voice brimming with sulkiness.

  I tap underneath his chin, smiling gently when he meets my eyes. “Hen, what’s wrong?”

  His big green eyes fill with tears. “You’re leaving us.”

  Aw, damn. Poor baby.

  Moving to his side, I grab him into a tight hug. “Only for a little bit. I’ll see you again soon.”

  “But why do you have to leave at all?” Henry cries; his tears seep through my pajama top, and I squeeze him once more before pulling back.

  “It’s complicated, buddy, but we’ll figure it out, ok? I’ll call you every day,” I promise.

  Henry sniffles and pulls back, pushing the bowl of pancake batter towards me, and I take my queue to continue with breakfast.

  Staring at the frying pan, I try to shake off everything. It’s not forever; we just have to figure it out. But the thought of going home to no one when I’ve spent a week surrounded by people who care about me is hard to swallow.

  At the same time…

  No, even that reason is so weak. Sure, everything I have of my father and my childhood is in Washington, but those are just things now.

  “You’re talking to yourself,” Henry points out.

  Oops. “Just coming to some decisions.”

  “Can you tell me what they are?”

  I look at him, this little boy that’s come to mean so much to me in such a short amount of time, and smile. “I’d rather show you.”

  THE RIDE TO THE AIRPORT was…not great. I could practically feel East seething next to me. The urge to grab him to me and hold on nearly choked me, so I can only imagine how he was feeling. We barely talked, which sucks because if there was ever a time to figure shit out, it’s now.

  There’s no indication that he wants me to move here, and there’s no way I can ask him to uproot his life, son, and business to move to my home. This stand
still is insane.

  Now, as I grab my bag out of the trunk, the tension between us is so thick that instead of wanting to stay I’d rather just get on with it. I slam the trunk door and glare at his back. If he’d just open his dumb mouth and ask me to stay…

  I would!

  “Don’t slam the door.” East glances back.

  “He speaks!” I mock as I sling my suitcase behind me.

  East shakes his head, pulling his phone out of his suit jacket pocket, and begins to scroll through whatever.

  I speed up until I pull up beside him. “You don’t think you can put that away for the next ten minutes? I’m about to be across the country and I’d like to have your attention for just a few minutes.”

  “Believe I’m aware of how far away you’ll be,” he mutters darkly, but slides his phone back into his pocket.

  Except now I’m faced with the same problem as before. What the hell to say?

  “Henry was upset this morning; I’ll call him before he goes to bed tonight,” I begin as we pull to a stop by the ticket kiosk. East remains quiet the entire time I get my ticket and the closer we get to the end the more anxious I get, while he seems to be calmer.

  “I wish you’d say something.” I glance at him as we head towards the security line where he’d leave me. “East.” My voice is thick with panic and it finally gets a response.

  East grabs my hand, pulling me out of the line, and we stop beside the opposite wall. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to go.”

  He pulls me in tightly, kissing my temple, cheek, and finally my lips. His lips fuse to mine and I memorize the feel of his mouth on mine, the smell of his cologne this close, the feel of his curls at the back of his neck. He pulls me closer until my heels leave the floor and then releases me abruptly, leaving me gasping for breath.

  “I’m not used to not getting what I want.” His eyes trace my features as if he’s trying to memorize them.

  “And what do you want?” I ask breathlessly. Please, East, just ask. Ask me to stay.

  “You, always,” he says ruefully, and I think, Fuck it, don’t give him an option.

  “Passengers on Flight D156, Newark to Seattle-Tacoma, you may begin boarding now.” The speaker crackles as the phone settles back into its place, effectively killing the mood.

  “Thank God I signed you up for TSA pre-check.” East’s joke falls flat, his forced grin falling off his face. “I love you, Taylor.”

  I quell the whimper that wants to escape. “I love you too.”

  His hand caresses my face, thumb running over my lips. “I’ll see you soon.” East kisses my forehead, breathes me in, and walks away quickly before I can say anything else. Soon he’s disappeared in the crowd and I turn to head through security and to my gate.

  As I stand in line and idea forms in my head and by the time I buckle my seatbelt I’ve got it figured out. East was right about one thing: he’ll definitely see me soon.

  By the time I stick the key in my front door, I’ve already made the necessary calls. Or, rather, call. I informed the lodge I wouldn’t be returning; they were much more understanding than I thought they’d be, but considering the season has firmly changed into winter, not many people were looking to go hiking through the forest.

  I called Jamie on the way back from the airport in the cab and explained my plan. He argued, voiced his concerns, and eventually saw reason. I’m not upending my life again—well, I am, but I’m doing it the right way and for something worth it.

  I don’t need East to ask; I know he’d welcome me. I just had to make the decision and as I pull another two suitcases out, shoving in everything I’ll need right away, I know I’m doing the right thing.

  I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.

  I collect all the food in my fridge and freezer, filling a box to donate and throwing out the rest.

  Jamie promised to check on the place periodically when I mail him the key. God, I couldn’t move fast enough, it seems. I glance at the clock, cursing when I see it’s already eight at night.

  Taking a break from my frenzied packing, I change into my pajamas and grab one of the beers I’d planned on throwing out in the morning before settling in my dad’s recliner to call East.

  I hope Henry’s still up, I think, then frown at the phone when I’m sent directly to voicemail.

  Strange.

  I dial one more time, thinking maybe he’s on the other line, but it goes straight to voicemail again.

  “East, what the hell?” I mutter, dialing Carter instead and relaxing when I hear ringing.

  “Taylor!” Carter sings out, and I hear an excited shout in the background.

  Grinning broadly, I say, “Hey! I miss you guys already!”

  “We miss you too, especially this little guy right here.” Carter’s voice is warm and comforting, but it’s his twin’s I long to hear. “Henry…Henry! Calm down or I’ll hold onto the phone. Hey! What did I just say?” Carter’s heavy, tired sigh reaches all the way across the country, and I muffle a laugh.

  “Taylor!” Henry’s excited voice cries out as he comes on the line.

  “Henry!” I mimic, smiling hard enough to hurt when he breaks into giggles.

  We talk for a few minutes, Henry chatting happily about his day. It’s such a change of tune from this morning that I’m equally happy and disgruntled that he got over me leaving so quickly.

  You’re a needy bitch, Taylor.

  When he yawns loudly in my ear, I tell him to pass the phone back to Carter and get ready for bed. Carter comes back on the line, sounding exhausted.

  “Hey, what did you do today? You sound beat.” I sip my beer and close my eyes, imagining Carter, East, and I were sitting in the living room having a drink together. Something that had quickly become our nightly ritual.

  “Ugh, well I spent the day running around with a realtor.” He groans.

  “Wait, why are you getting a realtor?” I set my drink down, confused.

  “It’s just time, you know? I moved in to help East with Henry, but Henry’s big now. Time to get some space, maybe get a bachelor pad.”

  “Carter,” I whine a little, “you won’t be moving far away, right?” They were all so close; I’m not sure how Henry will take his leaving. Or even East, for that matter.

  “Well, it won’t be across the country,” he says smartly. “Don’t tell East, but there’s a place right down the street. I’m clingy, what can I say?”

  I relax again, knowing he wasn’t moving too far.

  “Hey, speaking of East, where is he? I called twice and it went straight to voicemail.”

  “Um,” Carter clearly hedges, “he’s indisposed.”

  My brows furrow. “Is he sick?”

  Before Carter can answer, a knock sounds on my door and I frown. Who the hell—oh, damn. I bet it’s Jamie. I knew he wouldn’t let this go.

  “Actually, let me call you back later. Someone’s at the door.” We say goodbye quickly and I just hung up when there’s another knock, this one firmer than the other.

  Rolling my eyes, I swing the door open. “Jamie, you aren’t changing my—oh my God!”

  East stands in my doorway wearing the exact same suit as this morning, though much more wrinkly.

  His brows lower ominously. “Why did you think I was Jamie?”

  “That’s the first thing you’re going to say?” I cross my arms, annoyed.

  “When my girlfriend opens the door expecting a different man, yeah.” He mimics my position.

  “You’re insane.” I open the door wider, letting him in before continuing. “I assumed it was Jamie because when we got off the phone he was very put out with me.”

  “Oh?” he prompts, eyes on the suitcases and boxes. “Why’s that?”

  I trail behind him, nerves tightening in my belly. “Probably because I told him I’m moving across the country.”

  East spins around and watches me warily. “Really.”

  “Yeah.” I nod, a small smil
e dancing on my lips at him being taken totally off guard. “He thinks it’s too soon, but I told him I’ve never been surer of anything or anyone in my life. To which he reminds me that last time I felt this way, I disappeared for months. Do you know what I told him?” I move closer, watching as he tenses.

  “No, what?”

  I uncross his arms and wrap mine around him instead. “I said I didn’t disappear because you found me.”

  East’s throat works and finally his arms surround me. “You did?”

  “Yeah.” I sigh, resting my head over his pounding heart.

  “I was coming to take you back with me.”

  “I beat you to it.” I smile, rubbing my face against his shirt.

  “Wouldn’t be the first time,” he laughs quietly. “I’m so glad that yacht sank.”

  Chuckling, I playfully whack his back. “You’re terrible.”

  East leans back, gripping my shoulders. “You’re sure? You’re giving up everything.”

  I shake my head, face softening. “I’m not giving up anything, but I’m gaining everything.”

  “What about your job?”

  “East, I’m starting to think you don’t want me,” I joke.

  He yanks me back against him. “No, I just want you to be sure.”

  “I’m sure. I’ve already figured the hard stuff out, so I’ll figure out the rest.”

  “We’ll figure out the rest,” he assures me, and my heart feels like it might burst from happiness.

  “You have my back.”

  “Always,” he whispers fiercely.

  “Always,” I sigh happily.

  “Just live, squirrel. That’s all I ever wanted for you. To live.”

  I smile, knowing for the first time in my life that I am alive and not just living.

  The End.

  The album Tell Me It’s Real by Seafret

  To Stacey and Mari for making this book beautiful inside and out, Shenanigans for being my sounding board and to the show Naked and Afraid for hours of entertainment and inspiration.